I am nostalgic for a time I never had

Sitting in my friends house that I visited once

Though feeling like it was my own

Happy to start winter break

At a college I didn’t attend

Watching the snow fall outside in a place where it doesn’t snow

I am warm in my hoodie

On a brown leather couch

Cold when I sat down

Warming up now though

I’m wearing socks without shoes, 

though I don’t like that

I’m euphoric about my finals

Ones I didn’t really take

A 4.0 I never received

I’m maybe 21 or 22

Senior year I’d guess

Same year I visited that house for real

Though in the summer sunshine

A profound happiness spread from socked toes to mohawk tip

The nostalgia is strange

Without reason or real purpose

I have real memories to yearn for

Yet I feel pain for these moment that never were

That, perhaps, is what I find most painful

The life that never was

The happiness that never found me

The comfy socks and plush couch

That my ass never found 

On a cold, snowy day. 

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