“Jesus dude, I swear I’ve hit rock bottom,”
“How so?”
“I was in the bathtub last night, surrounded by floating beer cans, crying at an ASMR video.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah,” he laughed, “I was just in a bad way. I was drinking to sand down the edges of that pain, fill in the deep hole in my core, if only a bit. The beer was working, just not enough. I thought the warm water might relax me, make everything better. Smoked a joint too, but still, I was deep in the depths. I mean I was Challenger Deep level, just cruising in some submersible of tears.”
“Um, fuck dude, are you ok?”
“Don’t worry, this has a happy, or happy-ish ending. Sort of. Or fuck, hear me out, then worry about me all you want.”
“Ok, can’t promise I won’t worry in the meantime, but I’ll try.”
“Good enough. So I’m in the tub blasting an ASMR video on my headphones to chill out, and yes I realize it’s a bad idea to wear headphones while in the bath.”
I shrugged, “We’ve all been there, or near there.”
“The newest upload from one of the channels I like is one where the person just whispers nice things to you. Jesus H. Christ, the last fucking thing I needed to hear. I just wanted some weird sounds, like tapping and bubble wrap and shit. My favorite is when they pretend to be fucking with your hair. I get the tingles just thinking about it. None of that, though. It was just a lady saying nice things. Motivational sayings too. I wept. Mother fucking wept. It was like everything you’ve ever wanted your emotionally distant loved ones to say.”
“I would have said,”
“I know, I know,” he cut me off. “This is more what you’d want your girlfriend to say, I know you feel deep and wonderful things about me, but it’d be weird for you to say them. With best friends it’s better left implied. An ‘I love you man’ said periodically more than confirms the depths of your affection for me. But this video cut me to the core. So I, between sobs- and I don’t know what got into me here, sent this lady a DM. I would never do something like that. It was the first time I’d ever DMed anyone in fact. Maybe it was the beer, who knows.”
“What did you say?”
“Just that I was in a bad place and her video, though sob inducing, was exactly what I needed to hear. It was exactly Bill Shakespear, but I just said thanks in a more rambling sort of way. Exactly what you’d expect a person drunk, stoned, sobbing while in the bathtub would say. “
“Wow.”
“I know and get fucking this. Lady wrote me back.”
“Really?”
“No shit, like right away too. It was wild.”
“What did she say?”
“She said that she made the video in the hopes that someone would need to hear it. She was glad someone did, and she hoped I feel better. “
“Shit.”
“I know. I’m not sure how I feel about it though.”
“Why?”
“Well where am I in life, or where are we in society that we are all so lonely that the only way we get the affection we need is from a fucking video- a video that was made precisely because the creator knew there would be a need for it? Fuck man. I feel confused, conflicted even. But fuck me if it didn’t work. “
“Good, right?”
“I guess. I learned something for sure- or perhaps the sadness just turned to confusion and general malaise. “
“We all have that, I think.”
“Try an ASMR video, maybe there is one especially for that too.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised.”
