There is a monitor lizard in my bathtub and I’m not entirely sure how it got there. I’m fairly sure they aren’t indignious to Argentina, though I could be wrong there. I’m not sure if it’s dangerous, but I could be wrong there too. I guess the other question, one more pressing than if its indignious though significantly less pressing than how dangerous it is, is how it got into the bathtub. Well not literally. If it was in the bathroom it wouldn’t be tough to climb into the tub. Or maybe, not sure how good they are at climbing. I took them for quite the nimbal species, but my knowledge of monitor lizards is limited to knowing they exist and that one is currently in my bathtub.
That ‘how’ of its arrival is really a conundrum. It’s not really the type of thing that could crawl under a door. The gap there is pretty tight even for significantly smaller creatures, this big mother fucker is far too big. I’m not sure if their hands are dexterous to operate a door handle. If they are then I need to prepare for it leaving the bathroom, but I don’t think it could get out. The outside door was locked and I’m sure the thing didn’t have a key.
I messaged my girlfriend to see if she saw it this morning before she went on her run and/or she let a large lizard into the bathroom. I have a ‘why’ ready if she answers the second question in the affirmative. She said she didn’t see it, but that she hadn’t gone in the bathroom. I took a piss last night before going to bed and there was no large lizard in the bathroom. I’m certain I would have noticed that- or at least I hope I would have noticed it.
I guess that means that between last night and now a large lizard got into my apartment and is now boredly wagging its tongue at the faucet in my bathtub. It fills the tub pretty well. It seems to be almost the perfect size for my tub, which is interesting I guess. I checked the apartment for holes that it could have got through, but I’m drawing a blank.
I guess the real issue isn’t why or how it got here but what to do about it. I return to the bathroom, opening the door tentatively. The lizard looks over at me and sticks out its tongue in an uninterested ‘you again’ gesture. It returns its gaze to the faucet, clearly not threatened or interested in me at all. I walk over and it remains perfectly still. I turn on the shower to see if I can get a reaction out of it. Under the deluge of artificial rain it seems to relax even further and lays prone, spreading its stubby legs akimbo and closing its eyes. It lets out a loud ‘Grooock’ and seems to be content with the water.
Maybe it was thirsty, maybe it just likes the water. Either way I think it’s staying put. I guess it’s not bothering anyone for the moment. I shrug and go grab a coffee. I yell back to see if it wants one too, but all that responds is the sound of the shower.
